“I love the Lord, for he heard my voice, he heard my cry for mercy.” Psalm 116:1

“I can honestly say that I have seen God's hand throughout my entire life. From when I was little, I have always had a genuine love for the Lord. I was born into a Christian home where attending church every Sunday, participating in small groups on Wednesdays, and witnessing my mom prayerfully intercede in between was the norm. When I was about 4 or 5 years old, I watched a movie with my mom where several people were dying. Without hesitation, I turned to her and asked if they knew Jesus and would go to heaven. At that curious age, I recognized that death equaled heaven or hell as the destination. As the conversation continued, my mom asked me if I wanted Jesus to be my personal Savior, to which I wholeheartedly said yes!

From that point forward, my relationship with Jesus became very important to me. I was the kid who would evangelize to my classmates in elementary school and pray for my friends. I grew up in a more traditional church where the move of the Holy Spirit was unfamiliar to me. I remember my mom being the only one in the crowd who would raise her hands during worship, and I found it embarrassing. When I was 11, I visited a charismatic church where I was introduced to the Holy Spirit. As I sat there, I watched people weep on their knees before Jesus. I didn't know what it was, but I knew I wanted it. That day, I was baptized in the Holy Spirit (Acts 1:5).

Around the same time, I experienced sexual abuse. This traumatic event led me to believe that I needed a man's affection to feel important and loved. As a result, I became sexually active at the young age of 13, and this pattern continued with each boyfriend until I was 21 years old. It was an endless cycle where I would enter a relationship, become sexually involved, get my heart broken, turn to God in repentance, and repeat the cycle.

However, one thing remained certain throughout all of this - my desire to be in ministry. I had always known about Youth With A Mission (YWAM) because of friends who were involved. In January 2019, during my senior year of high school, I applied to do a Discipleship Training School in Kona, Hawaii. I was accepted and started planning for my departure in September. About a month later, I entered an emotionally unhealthy relationship that ultimately distanced me from my relationship with God. Although I had been a fairly good kid growing up, once I began this relationship, many of my morals went out the window. Between graduating high school and leaving for YWAM, I spent the summer smoking weed, being sexually active, and drinking.

When I arrived in Kona, I was eager to see what God had in store for me. About two weeks into the program, two staff members gave me words of wisdom, urging me to end the unhealthy relationship I was in. To be honest, it put the fear of God in me because I hadn't really shared with anyone the unhealthy aspects of my relationship. That day, I attempted to end the relationship but didn't follow through. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Towards the end of my three-month outreach in Kenya and Uganda, COVID-19 hit, and we were sent back home. I went from evangelizing every day and witnessing the mighty work of God to being confined at home. It felt like I had reached the highest high only to plummet into the lowest low. The way my DTS and outreach ended made me resent God. So, I went back to what was comfortable and easy - smoking weed and being sexually active. I spent the next two years in a state of depression. Those two years felt like a constant battle between my flesh and my spirit. I strayed from God because I knew that once I returned to Him, I would have to confront all that I had been doing and end the relationship. My mindset at the time was, "I'm going to do this for now because I know that God is pursuing me, and I'll eventually return to Him." And God was indeed not letting me run away. I took small steps in coming back to Him, like occasionally going to church or listening to worship music. In December of 2021, I was invited to go on a church retreat out of town. During the retreat, I had no cell service to communicate with my boyfriend. It was just me, the church community, and God. Throughout the weekend, I felt the love of God covering me. It was so sweet and kind. He wasn't mad at me; He was gently leading me back to Him.

On the last night of the retreat, God spoke very clearly to me. He said, "Lillee, you are compromising your calling if you remain in this relationship. It cannot hold you back any longer." That was the first time I had heard God's voice since my outreach in Kenya. A few minutes later, others in the service gave me prophetic words about returning to ministry. I can't explain it, but that night God gave me bravery and confidence to move forward. I didn't waste any time. I drove home and ended the relationship.

Life wasn't immediately easier after that, of course. It took hard work to heal from the past three years. My relationship with God was fractured because of my own choices. I had such a tight grip on my life and what I wanted. The beginning of releasing control to the Lord was breaking off that relationship. It was the catalyst event in my walk with Him. After the church retreat, I committed to one year of being single. No distractions, no boys, no control - just one year with Jesus. And that was the best choice I could have ever made. That year blossomed into what I could only dream of - going back to YWAM in Hawaii to do Bible school, growing in a deeper relationship and understanding of God, having my eyes opened to Scripture, meeting my husband, and gaining vision for what God was calling me to. I never looked back after that church retreat.

Because of my testimony, I feel that God has called me into women's ministry to uplift their voices. I desire to see women in my generation not settle for what the world offers them. There is a power and influence that must be unleashed by the women of Gen-Z.”